frustration.complaining

There's gonna be some things in life that

     are going to make it hard for you to smile,

     but through all you see, all the rain and all

     the pain, you have to keep your sense of

     humor and keep on smiling.

                -unkown 

                               

Alright so I hate to complain. who doesn't right?

but when your having one of those days you might as well let out your thoughts 

by typing.

texting.

reading.

writing.

 so mine is typing tonight.

i apologize. but blogs are to share whats on your mind.

well. here i go.

 Sometimes I feel alone. which i know i shouldn't but I do.

not alone with family wise 

religion wise

but friend wise.

to be honest I don't have anyone that I can walk out my door and go see right now.

to talk to in person. to share my thoughts. to get feedback. to chat about life. boys. school.etc

you know when you have friends. really good friends.

and flash you feel as if they are all gone

everyone of course moves on with life.

but deep inside my heart it hurts.

i miss my friends. best friends. college friends. ward friends. high school friends.

it might also be me working to much and I'm not focusing on my social life.

but it is killing me. i work days and nights. and come home and its time for bed.

i'm exhausted after work also.

in the end it will be worth it. i hope

I just need some friends at the moment.

most of them are off to college.

but then again at college one of my good friends. is ready to move back home.

she is sick of her roommates and the drama going on with her apartment.

she was able to vent to me. and it did not sound like a fun situation.

we all have challenges and trials some are just WAY different then OTHERS.

way different. but we all are facing them. 

some friends are

at the stage in their life of marriage.

or traveling. or study abroad programs.

i try not to compare but its hard when you want a friend relationship with those.

its life. you just find new 

and new friends. along the way.

new places. new towns. new states. new.

high school friends i try to get together with lunch. but it never happens.

my good friend up the street. she is going to Alaska. i'm excited for her.

but haven't seen her for about 4 weeks she is getting ready.

i miss that friendship.

i am not in an LDS sorority anymore because I forgot to sign up this semester.

and i work Thursday nights which was the night i got together with the girls.

i miss that i do. but it hurts when you feel as if no one even noticed you gone.

or not showing up.

i haven't gone for 4 weeks. nope no text. no call no email. nothing.

i guess i didn't pay this semester deadline because i forgot.

and that might be the reason why.

but still.

and realized i felt as if I was a nobody. which by the way is an awful feeling.

i went with a good friend in the neighborhood but i felt as if i always needed her there with me.

when she wasn't there it was just alright.

i never really got to know anyone and become really good friends

because we both were always together. which is fine.

but then no friendships bond.

its probably my lack of communication and not trying.

i do need to try better. and will.

it just gets to a point. where i am lacking that in my life right now.

and i know why cause i'm never home. always at work.

least i have created friends with people i work with right.

to bad none of them are the same faith as me that would be even better.

i enjoy working with my co-workers i do> i gain a better appreciation for my life.

and the choices that i have made and the person that I am today.

i hope that i can be examples to those i work with.

and come in contact with. 

so maybe my answer.

I'm ready to go back to the college life.

i loved it.

i hope this fall or spring i start back up with school.

i think that would help a lot being around college students and living life the way a college student should be doing. studying long hours. yes can't wait!!

also deleting my facebook. which by the way is one of the BEST choice that i made 

right now in my life.

i don't need to waste time or stalk friends profile's and get different emotions raceing through time.

i know things will get better.

it just hurts. i miss hanging out with friends. groups of friends and doing fun activitys.

creating mischivious.

laughing late hours.

staying up late hours.

I guess i made a HUGE focus on work this semester.

yes it is worth it. but i do make it a very important priority in my life.

i need to relax but still work. or maybe fine another job more challenging for me.

you know when you have worked at the job for a long time.

you get used to it. it is like an old pair of shoes.

you just can't get rid of them.

your used to the breakin inside the shoes. you have worn them out.

it is like work. i'm used to everything. i have breakin at work.

i need to look and see other job options available and maybe that would be best

or maybe not. just got to decided for me.

I need to realize the more important things in my life such as family.

spend my time wisely.

and go out of my way more at home and friends. at less at work but still keep my work ethic amazing.

it seems like the longest blogs sometimes are the ones where you go on and on complaining.

it just helps a lot.

i'm sure no one will even read this. or get this far. they will be bored. 

but really it has helped me a lot.

especially not having a friend close by i have my blog i can type to.

ha ha. blogs can be friends. they can be best friends.

alright i'm done complaining off to bed.

final words of wisdom for myself.

its always good to leave on a good note. or good thought.

i have a couple below. enjoy;)