lost.

I admit it is hard moving up here by myself.

i'm trying to make new friends. i guess through time it will happen.

it just gets annoying being in my apartment. or in my room on my laptop. i feel like a loser.

oh well. I was going to go hiking with my room mate and her friend and their friends.

it didn't go through failed. i was ready and everything. after my class came home got ready.

and went over to their place. and they weren't even dressed to go hiking.

i felt like a complete idiot for wearing my jeans. hiking shoes. and had my backpack and ready to go.

i just wish someone would have informed me or said that we might go.

i was excited. oh well plans change. 

I wish to find a good group of friends. to hang out with. have inside jokes. take lots of pictures. do spontateous activites. be involved. play random sports. go shopping......nope haven't found that yet. i guess i need to put myself out their more. it is just hard. but then when times like now I wish I had put myself out their.

it is only the first week of school.

My room mate is nice enough to invite me with her old roommate and their friends.

it is just a little akward everyone know's each other. i always am to myself. and in my own little world.

She is nice to make me feel included 

I hope eventually through time things get better.

as for now it is hard. i'm struggling deep inside to make and find friends.

i try not to show it. but really it hurts. it is that communication that is missing.

you can only stay in your room for so long or the library for so long.

and it gets to the point of loneness.

I wonder when that time will come for me to date again.

I think that is another hard thing.

seeing couples on campus holding hands and in love.

i miss the holding hands.

being best friends.

i miss having someone to tell everything to.

the laughs. the deep talks. the help. the advice. the cooking.

i miss the dating life.

feeling wanted. loved. 

miss seeing the same person everyday.

going on late night walks.

talking on the phone.

i want that again. i hope to have that again.  

i don't want this post to feeling sad for me. I have been blessed with so many great things and great opportunity. Many amazing people that have been and are in my life. I love every single one of them.

I just needed to vent and I feel as if this blog is where I can tell things how it is. I like to be uplifting but everyone has those days where something inside hurts.